His Fear
by Rosa Chinensis
Summary: Yuuki has to spend the night alone with Kashiwagi. Will he survive the night with his heterosexuality intact? KashiwagixYuuki.


Disclaimer: _Maria-sama ga Miteru_ and all characters therein belong to Konno Oyuki, Nagasawa Satoru, Shuueisha, and Geneon Entertainment. I'm just borrowing them for nefarious (but nonprofit!) purposes.

Note: "sempai" is used to address upperclassmen (among other things).

**His Fear **

He's afraid to slide open the door and enter the room.

He didn't want to be here in the first place, but nobody turns down an invitation from the Student Council President. Especially when you're someone said President has taken a special interest in.

It's that "special interest" that makes him nervous, because there's a rumor going around that Kashiwagi-sempai's a fag. Most people don't believe it, and he's unsure, too, because aren't fags supposed to prance around all the time and do girly things and stuff? Sempai isn't girly at all, he's masculine and broad-shouldered and _firm_, but sometimes Sempai looks at him funny and he gets this weird tingly feeling, and so he doesn't really know what to think.

He knows he can't just stand outside the door all night, so he musters his courage and slides the door open. The lights are out, but enough moonlight is shining into the room for him to see that Sempai has gone to bed already. At first he thinks Sempai might be asleep, but as he slides the door shut, it makes a small creaking sound and Kashiwagi-sempai looks up. He silently curses the damn door and tries not to look as nervous as he feels.

He can feel Sempai's eyes moving over his body, and he feels practically naked in his too-thin pajamas. If he could have worn jeans to bed he would have, but that would have been a little _too_ weird, and would probably have tipped Sempai off to the fact that he's afraid of him. Standing alone in the dark room with Sempai lying there mere feet away, those rumors seem more and more plausible. He wonders if Sempai can hear his heart pounding wildly as he makes his way over to his futon, placed snugly up against Sempai's.

He crawls into his futon, and they say their good nights. Sempai doesn't try to hug him good night or anything, thank God. At first, he's hyperconscious of Sempai beside him, of the little sounds he makes as he moves around, trying to get comfortable. For a while, every little movement Sempai makes causes him to tense up in apprehension, but as the minutes pass he slowly begins to relax. If Kashiwagi was going to do something _weird_, he reasons, he would have already done it by now.

But just as the last of the tension is leaving his body, a hand brushes tentatively against his arm. The tension is back now, in full force, and his heart is racing again. Sempai's hand is a slight weight as it presses against his arm through the blankets, and it's sending little tingles through his arm. He shifts away, hoping the touch was accidental or, at the very least, unconscious, but the hand moves with him and he's sure now that Sempai is purposely touching him.

Then the hand slips underneath the blankets, and there's only a thin layer of fabric separating it from Yuuki's skin. It's so very warm, and yet, so very different from the way it feels when his family touches him. He's never really been touched this way by anyone else before. He isn't sure whether or not he likes it.

"Sempai," Yuuki croaks. He has to stop Sempai before he goes any further. Things are already too weird, and though he's loath to admit it, he's getting really scared.

"Shh," Sempai murmurs, moving his hand to press two fingers against Yuuki's lips. Yuuki chokes. This feels even odder than Sempai's hand on his arm did. His heart is beating even faster now, though he idly wonders how that's possible.

Before he can really decide what he thinks of the fingers being there, Sempai is moving his hand so that it's on Yuuki's other side, and suddenly he's looming over him. It's too dark for him to see Sempai's expression; he can only make out his general profile, giving him a menacing air. He resists the urge to squirm.

The form above him descends, cutting off his thoughts, and Sempai's lips press against his. There is nothing tentative about the kiss, but neither is it overbearing. Just a mildly firm gentleness and a warmth that sets Yuuki's mind spinning.

So this is what kissing is like. He's heard about kissing, of course, and seen it on tv, but he never expected it to be like this. He also never expected his first kiss to be with a **guy**, but it's too late now to do anything about **that**.

Before he has even begun to consider kissing back, Sempai is moving away from him again, back to his own futon for the night.

"Good night, Yukichi," he says quietly. "Happy New Year."

Yuuki just lies there, frozen and numb. He can't quite process what has just happened. Surely this was some sort of joke, or maybe some sick sort of nightmare? After all, it's not as though he **liked** it, not really. It's not as though he wants Sempai to do it again.

Well, maybe he does, a little, but just out of curiosity. And not with Sempai, with a proper girl this time. Like Yumi's friend, what was her name? Yoshimi? Yoshiko? She seems like his type, feminine and sweet. He wonders what it would be like to kiss her. Surely it would be different from kissing Sempai. He's heard that girls are supposed to be softer than guys, and yet Sempai's lips were so soft, so that can't be it. He's heard that kissing girls is exciting and nerve-wracking, but so was this. Maybe he won't find out the actual difference until he kisses one. He certainly can't tell anyone about his kiss with Sempai, that would be too humiliating.

He'll just have to put this out of his mind until then. It's not like he ever thought about kissing much anyway. It will be easy.

But as the night drags by, he can't seem to think about anything else, nor can he manage to calm down enough to fall asleep. He's grateful when dawn finally breaks.

He knows Yumi is worried about him. She knows something's wrong, though her friends aren't quite as perceptive. Or maybe they just assume that it's due to the stress of having had to share a room with Sempai. Either way, he makes it through the morning goodbyes with minimum fuss, though he tenses when Sempai hugs him goodbye. Of course, that's the normal reaction, though he's reacting differently on the inside. He doesn't quite know how he feels about Sempai anymore; right now, he just wants to be **away** from him, and to not think about him anymore. He wants last night to never have happened.

Next time he gets an invitation from Sempai he's turning it down, convention be damned. He'll break his leg, make himself sick, **anything** to get out of it.

He's afraid to be alone with Sempai again, though he isn't sure if he's more afraid of what Sempai will do or of what his reaction to it will be. He'd rather not find out what it is he truly fears.


End file.
